


Road Trip

by Laurasauras



Series: Elevatorstuck AU [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 07:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15262761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: John's moving in with the Strider brothers.





	Road Trip

John is freaking out. It’s making you freak out and that’s making Dave freak out. You all have very different reactions to stress. Dave is rambling at a fast enough rate that you’re legitimately concerned that he’s going to hyperventilate, John has picked up the same book that he’s already decided not to bring and put it back in the exact same place three times, and you’re doing your best statue impersonation. 

You wish you wouldn’t, you know it’s an obvious tell to those who know you, you know that Dave would be stopping for breath more often if you would just chill. You would really like to just hide that book or something. He’s packed, he finished packing last night, but you can’t point this out because you’re not going to be the one who makes his boyfriend forget something he really needed by interrupting his process. Not even  _ Wise Guy  _ by Harry Anderson, if that’s really what he wants to bring. You didn’t want or need to know that Harry Anderson had written a book, but John apparently not only needed to buy it in the first place (and the spine is fucked like it’s been read many times) but is currently in an agonising loop over whether it stays with his dad or comes to Texas with him.

John’s dad walks into the room and John stops pacing and Dave shuts up. Mr E holds his arms wide and John goes into them automatically. Mr E makes eye contact with Dave and gestures. That’s apparently all the encouragement Dave needs to get in on the group hug. Mr E does the same thing with his other arm and you finally unfreeze enough to hold up a hand. You’re all good, thanks. 

Mr E raises an eyebrow and then walks towards you, dragging John and Dave backwards with him until he can almost reach you to pull you in. You sigh and take that final step rather than force him to make some unusual maneuver. 

Dave starts snickering at you and then John’s giggling and you can’t help but smile. At least it isn’t audible. And the hug is quite nice, all warm and reassuring. Mr E gives off an incredibly competent aura, it’s enough to relax you. Well, almost. 

He releases you and steps back. He signs something. You’re learning, but he’s too quick for you to know what he’s saying unless it’s a word you’re really familiar with. 

‘I know,’ John says, signing at the same time. ‘But what if I forgot something?’

He doesn’t even realise he’s signing half the time. He does it in general conversation without mute or deaf people too, just because he’s in the habit. Though you’re sure that comes in handy for the disproportionate number of mute and/or deaf friends he has. Apparently the ASL classes were ripe with friend opportunities.

‘Yeah,’ John sighs. He turns to you. ‘Dad says he is capable of posting anything I forgot and that I should stop stressing.’

‘Solid advice,’ you say.

‘You got the important stuff, right? Phone, wallet, keys, toothbrush?’ Dave says.

John nods.

Mr E signs something.

‘Noooo!’ John says. ‘This is  _ not _ a cake occasion!’

‘I could go for cake,’ Dave says. You nod in agreement. John glares at you like you’ve betrayed him. Unfortunately for him, his dad’s cake is worth a few minutes of disapproval from him.

Mr E grins and signs something. He looks expectantly at John to translate it.

John hesitates, but he would never not let his dad be part of a conversation just because he can’t talk.

‘He says you’re fine young men and he’s glad I’m living with you,’ John sighs.

Mr E signs something more.

‘And he’s proud of all of us,’ he blurts quickly, as if you might not hear him if he says it quick enough. ‘Jeez, Dad! Can we just? Not?’

You really love John’s blush. It doesn’t happen that often, even though he embarrasses easily. As opposed to you and Dave who through virtue of the palest skin ever are blush magnets. You step forward and slip your hand into his. He smiles at you and your heart stutters. You’re so fucking in love with this doofus. And he’s going to come live with you. It’s basically inconceivable.    
You cough and do your best to wipe the idiot look off your face, glancing at Dave to see if he noticed. He’s smirking at you. Like you haven’t walked in on him listening dutifully to Karkat talk about  _ He’s Just Not That Into You _ with the sappiest look ever on his face. Mr E just looks proud again. 

You follow him downstairs and have a subtle competition with Dave to not take the first bite, just in case. Cake is known to be both delicious and dangerous with John’s family. Not only have you been pranked by Mr E more times than you would like to admit, but John’s cousin Jane has got you plenty of times as well. She seemed like such a sweet girl until she handshake buzzered you and exploding eclaired you in the space of five minutes.

You’d still kill for her eclairs, even after that. 

After cake, you and Dave load the last couple boxes into your mini-bus. After this trip you are definitely cannibalising her parts, but it seemed easier to rip out the seats than buy or rent a truck. And you’re not really comfortable being in a vehicle that you haven’t examined yourself, taken apart and modified. You would rather die due to your own abuse of mechanical learning than from some other dude or dudette failing to operate standard machinery the way they’re supposed to.

You hesitate outside the kitchen and slap your hand to Dave’s chest to stop him. John and his dad are having a moment, you’re almost sure. You’ve got that feeling. Like  _ emotions _ are happening. 

Not that it’s easy to tell, seeing as half the conversation is silent and the other half is in John’s “quiet” voice.

‘You  _ loooove  _ him,’ Dave teases quietly.

You correct your face back to neutral again and shrug uncomfortably. 

‘I think that’s encouraged before you move in together. Like, it’s probably a good thing that you love him.’

You make a noise that could be agreement. 

‘I’ll come back in the holidays,’ John is saying in the room. ‘And I’ll call … okay, probably not every day, but at least once a week.’ There’s a pause. ‘Skype, dad, I’ll be able to see you. Dirk’s got the best internet, the picture will be fine.’

‘How much are you freaking out?’ Dave whispers.

‘I’m not freaking out,’ you say automatically.

He elbows you so you’ll see him rolling his eyes. 

‘You do realise that he’s your first boyfriend and you’ve never lived with a non-Strider before and the question is actually very reasonable, right?’

You nearly try and correct him, say you’ve had boyfriends before, but compared to this you haven’t. Dating Sollux for two weeks until Karkat found out and broke the two of you up for your own good doesn’t count. Having an on-again-off-again agreement with Horuss when he dropped back into town to visit family doesn’t count. One night stands certainly don’t count. 

Holy shit, John’s your first boyfriend.

‘Dude,’ Dave says. ‘I didn’t mean to make it worse.’

You shake your head, half to deny that he has and half to clear your thoughts as if your brain’s an etch a sketch. 

‘I’m not freaking out,’ you repeat. You take a moment to make sure that’s true. ‘It’ll work out. It’ll be good, even.’

Dave claps his hand on your shoulder. You decide that it’s time to go in the kitchen, John hasn’t said anything in a while.

When you push open the door, you see that it’s because they’re hugging. You cough awkwardly and John just waves at you without taking his arms from around his dad’s shoulders. 

‘Can you imagine hugging Bro like that,’ Dave whispers, his voice amused.

You snort a little. Nope. Hugs with Bro involve manful slaps on the back and only happen on special occasions. You suppose this would be a special occasion. Oh god, he’s going to really want to meet John now. You’re regretting not telling John that your parents died in some awful tragedy or something. Ninja fight. If you told Bro that, he’s go along with it just for the sweet cred. Maybe you can still do that. Like,  _ so sad, John, my dad died after being attacked by, like, 70 ninjas on the weekend. Yep. Something to do with his porn being too good. Shame you’ll never meet him. _ Yeah. That’ll work.

‘Okay,’ John says, letting go of Mr E. ‘Okay, let’s just go. Let’s not drag this out.’

Mr E signs something. 

‘Ah, yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. Dirk, can we stop by Jane and Callie’s? And the shop?’

You nod. 

John leads the way out of the house. Dave runs up behind him and uses his shoulders to launch himself into a stupid high jump. John shoves at him. You can’t help but smile at them. You really lucked out with them getting along so well. And even though Dave has a lot of friends, you don’t think he’s as silly with any of them as he is with John. There’s something freeing about hanging out with a dude who has spent the five years since high school working full time at a joke store.

‘Did you want to come along for the goodbyes? Drop you off at the shop?’ you ask Mr E.

He shakes his head.

‘Um. I promise I’ll look after him,’ you say. ‘I know he’s capable, but … yeah, I’ll treat him good.’

God, you’re so awkward. You just felt like you should say something. Mr E nods and then pulls you in for another hug. 

‘Oh, okay, yep, good,’ you say. You don’t really know how to do one-on-one hugs with not-John people. Mr E lets you go and you smile awkwardly at him. Dave is grinning at you. The bastard. Can’t you have one awkwardly sincere moment without him feeling the need to tease you about it for 300 years?

Dave gets a hug as well (not as long as yours, not that you’re competing) and John as well. And then you’re all in the bus, Dave in shotgun because he won something or other, and you’re pulling away at a completely normal speed because you couldn’t decide if it was kind or cruel to give John extra time to wave goodbye.

‘Jane’s or the shop first?’ you ask.

‘Jane’s is kind of on the way,’ John says.

You nod and have a moment of satisfaction because you know exactly how to get there. You’re so bad with directions, you just don’t store them. Actually, you think you know your way around John’s favourite spots in Washington better than you know your neighbourhood in Houston and you’ve lived there your whole life.

‘Hey John, does Dirk sneak into your bed every time we visit or was that just last night?’ Dave asks, his voice your least favourite shade of little-brother-innocent.

You will not take your eyes off the road, you are focusing on driving. 

‘Every time,’ John says, as if it’s no big deal.

You breathe again. It’s very difficult to be worried and/or embarrassed when he’s so nonchalant. Your cheeks feel a little warm anyway.

‘What gave me away?’ you ask.

‘Woke up to take a piss and you weren’t there. Jeez, bro, didn’t think you would disrespect Mr E like that!’

‘Dad’s told Dirk like a million times that he can sleep in my room,’ John says. ‘And I’ve told Dirk that surely it would be less embarrassing to admit that he does than to be  _ caught _ sneaking in or out, but he doesn’t agree.’

Dave laughs.

‘Because Dirk doesn’t think he’ll ever be caught.’

Well. Yeah. 

‘It’s not like we  _ do _ anything,’ John says.

Your face is actually on fire. Could you please be in any other place in the world. Dave and John are allowed to be friends but they are absolutely not allowed to talk about this. Ever. Nope. You will not look at  _ either _ of them, this is your hell. 

‘Well, not  _ much _ .’

‘We’re here,’ you say, much more loudly than you usually speak. 

‘No, we’re not,’ Dave says. Which is true. You’re not even halfway there. You just really wanted them to stop talking. ‘I’m currently weighing up how little I want to hear anything about Dirk’s sex life and how red he is right now. Like, is it worth me suffering a little to make him suffer a lot. It’s a philosophical question for the ages.’

‘I was thinking we should go through New York on the way back to see the Lalondes,’ you say. 

‘We really just cuddle, mostly!’ John says. You glare at him through your rearview mirror and turn the radio on. Loud. ‘Did you know he likes to be the little spoon?’ John says, perfectly audibly. 

You groan and Dave laughs.

‘Yeah, but who doesn’t,’ Dave points out. ‘Little spoon is the bomb, I make Terezi spoon me at least half the time.’

‘ _ Thank _ you,’ you mutter. Of course, maybe John doesn’t want to be little spoon because you’re a skinny bastard and lack the ability to be a good big spoon. Nope, not hating on yourself right now, just enjoying the fact that your spoon preferences are compatible.

You turn off the radio as you pull into Jane’s driveway. John trips Dave as he gets out and you leave them to it and walk to the door. You ring the bell and ignore them laughing their heads off. They’re especially giddy today, but you’re putting that down to the excitement of moving. They won’t be able to maintain it the whole way back. Surely. This isn’t going to be your life now. That would be insane.

Callie opens the door and saves you from contemplating that any further. She gives you a hug in welcome and pulls you inside by the hand.

‘Jane’s just putting together some sandwiches and such for you,’ she says. ‘But come with me, I’ve made a housewarming present!’

Callie’s hugs and handholding are now no longer supremely awkward to you from sheer exposure therapy. She leads you past the kitchen, not letting you pause to say hi to Jane, and into the lounge. 

Huh. She’s painted you a picture. A picture of you and John and Dave, all arms around each other and smiling. If it wasn’t so adorable you would take issue with any version of you smiling that wide.

‘You made this?’ you ask.

She nods. You tip your shades back onto your head and look at it properly. It’s glorious, really. She’s gone thick with oil paints and it’s the happiest damn painting you’ve ever seen. Half of that’s the colours, too, not even the batshit crazy smiles you’re all wearing.

‘Callie, this is amazing,’ you tell her. ‘I am amazed. I think I might swoon. Look at what you’ve done. Check out those colours. You’re amazing.’

She claps her hands together and hops a little.

‘I’m so glad you like it!’ she says. 

There’s a crash in the kitchen that neither of you react to. Oh god, your house is about to get so much louder. If John and Dave start a prank war, you might have to move out. 

‘Callie, how do you live with an Egbert?’

She smiles.

‘Technically she’s a Crocker! But yes, it can be a challenge! Most days are fine, but special occasions you have to get into a routine …’

She glances into the kitchen to make sure you’re still alone. 

‘There will  _ always _ be something in my slippers on my birthday. So, I check first, see if I’m willing to have it on my feet. If she gets me at the beginning of the day I’m not so much of a challenge, you see? Jelly’s not so bad, but mousetraps hurt! Better to pretend I missed the opening and set it off by standing on top of the slipper, yes? And I hide a towel somewhere safe and don’t use any of the soap things in the shower. And …’

Again, she glances around. 

‘Perhaps I should message you about it, one never knows when there are unfriendly ears about! Or in this case, perhaps, overly friendly ears.’

You agree to message her when you get home. And start dreading your birthday more than you have ever dreaded anything.

John walks into the room with Dave on his back, piggyback style. 

‘Woah, Callie! Is this for us?’ he says, his hands flying to his face in excitement. Dave somehow manages to stay attached to John’s hips. You raise your eyebrow at him and he manages to shrug. He’s absolutely going to fall off if John doesn’t support his legs soon. Knowing Dave, he’s accepted this fate and will just hold on for as long as he can.

It takes you an hour before you’re finished saying goodbye to Jane and Callie, despite the fact that they and Jane’s dad came over for dinner last night. Meeting Jane’s dad was weird, because he’s identical to Mr E, but he has a deep booming voice that Mr E would presumably have if he hadn’t ever gotten cancer. John’s voice has the promise of being that deep one day. That’s all you’re saying. No comment. Just … huh, wouldn’t that be an interesting development.

You assume you’ll spend less time at the shop, but it is for some reason outrageously busy. What business does a joke shop have being this busy? Has the entire town run out of whoopee cushions simultaneously? You and Dave try to stay out of the way of customers, but John goes right up to them and starts helping. 

‘What the  _ fuck _ is that on your face?’ Dave says.

Your hand flies up to your cheek automatically. Did Jane get you?’

‘Your  _ expression _ , dipshit,’ he says. ‘You cannot possibly tell me you’re so far gone that seeing him with kids is doing something for you.’

You shake your head vehemently.

‘Is it card tricks? Seriously?’

‘I like his hands …’ you mutter.

Dave walks away to the other side of the store and examines the board game collection. You smile to yourself and go back to watching John. Dave will needle you about your sex life so long as it’s only embarrassing you, but the  _ second _ you make it real he can’t deal. 

It’s nice to see how the kid goes from sulky to delighted and her adult companion goes from frazzled to relieved.

‘Can I help you?’ Vriska asks you aggressively. 

‘Vriska, you know me,’ you remind her. ‘We’ve met, like, five times. I’m not a customer, I’m John’s boyfriend.’

‘If you’re not going to buy anything, I should ask you to leave,’ she says.

You sigh. Vriska hates you. You have no idea why. 

‘I’ll just take John and go, then?’ you say. ‘I think he’s helping folk, but if you want me gone …’

Vriska narrows her eyes at you. You repress the urge to snap her stupid hipster glasses in half. 

‘Just … stay out of the way,’ she says.

‘Yessir,’ you say. 

You head over to Dave.

‘What’s up your ass?’ he asks.

‘Vriska,’ you say.

‘Say no more,’ he says with a shudder. ‘Check out this game, though, it’s a banana.’

You look down at the banana he passed you.

‘What is it?’

‘I can’t believe you even care about that. It’s a banana.’

You open the zip and find scrabble tiles.

‘Yeah, okay, we could get this,’ you say. 

‘Nope, we don’t play scrabble or scrabble related games with you.’

You scowl at him.

It takes over an hour for John to say goodbye to his coworkers, in between helping them with customers and ducking back to squeeze your hand or hit Dave over the back of the head. Finally, he pulls you out of the shop. Dave takes a look at his face and ducks back inside.

‘Forgot to by the thing!’ he says.

You pull John into your arms.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘It’s just home, you know?’

You don’t, but you can hug him at least. You tip his chin up so you can kiss him and notice that he’s keeping his eyes shut pretty hard like he’s trying not to cry. You kiss him gentle and then jump out of your skin when Dave throws his arms around both of you.

‘Group hug!’ he shouts.

‘Right,’ John says in an almost not-shaky voice. ‘Moment over, thank you, Dave!’

Dave lets go of John and hangs off you instead. 

‘Anytime, bro,’ he says. ‘You getting us out of here or what?’

You all pile into the bus again. John sits in the seat behind you automatically. You toss Dave your phone so he can set it up for you.

‘Good morning,’ your own voice sounds.

‘I need to change that,’ you mutter. In what universe would you ever say “good morning”?

‘Hi Hal!’ John says cheerily.

‘Hi John, how’s it going?’

‘I’m going good! I’m moving in with Dirk and Dave!’

‘John, I have heard so much about this move that I am an expert in it,’ Hal says. ‘I could write a PhD on the subject of you moving into the Strider pad. I could get government funding to research the topic and yet still not hear as much about it as I already have.’

This is what you get for allowing him access to all your communications to help him learn how to talk. He has more than a bit of Dave in him. It’s Dave’s fault he has a name, too.

‘Are you excited?’ Hal asks.

‘Yes!’ John says with undoubtable enthusiasm.

‘See, Dirk,’ Hal says.

‘Don’t do that,’ you say. You don’t need your robot to reassure you. ‘Also, find me a route that gets me to a hotel at some point between …’ you look at Dave and John. You know that if it was just Dave you could probably push the driving time until midnight, but you don’t think that’s going to fly with John. ‘9 and 10 pm.’

‘Calculating,’ Hal says.

‘That’s late,’ John comments.

Dave laughs at your grimace.

‘Does that factor in dinner times?’ Dave asks.

‘You’re asking that like I don’t always factor in dinner times and traffic reports and basically everything. I’m insulted, Dave. You should know better than to insult your robot overlord.’

‘Yeah, which is fine on most of our road trips, but maybe John would like to sit down and eat at a McDonalds or something?’ Dave says.

You and Hal groan at the same time. It’s not a pleasant experience. 

‘This is going to be a really long trip if you guys are wanting to travel like humans,’ Hal says.

‘As opposed to what?’ you bitch.

‘Dirks,’ he says. ‘You can decide breaks later, whatever you’re doing you’re gonna wanna get on the highway, so take a left at the end of the street.’

You sigh and shift the bus into drive. John rubs your arm comfortingly. Dave and Hal start to argue about music and you relax into road trip mode.


End file.
